The Case of the Mutilated dog

At approximately 6:45pm Thursday, a 34 year old woman came across the mutilated body of Ms. Pinky. She immediately ran to the phone and contacted police.

When police arrived, they were met at the door by 6 extremely friendly retrievers and their worried human.

Upon cursory examination of the scene, investigators immediately ruled Ms. Pinky’s death a homicide.

An Air Kong Squeaker Dog lies mutilated on a tile floor. the dog has been skinned, it used to be pink and yellow. It is also missing it's hind leg and it's tail is just barely attached.

When asked to provide details, the woman stated that she had been putting away laundry when she heard a horrible sound. She said it could only be described as the sound a squeaky animal makes before it dies. She said the noise only lasted a few minutes during which time she was rushing down to the living room from her bedroom on the 2nd floor of the house.

When asked what she saw, the woman became tearful and said she walked into the living room and couldn’t find anything disturbed, so moved into the kitchen, only to discover Ms. Pinky’s mutilated body.

When asked if she had touched anything, she said she was too afraid to do anything other than run back upstairs and dial 9-1-1.

When asked if she noticed anyone near or leaving the scene, she said she thought she heard the sound of paws moving quickly towards the dining room, but she couldn’t identify the unknown subject.

next, investigators went into the living room to question the little fox red lab.

When asked what she had seen or heard, she climbed under a red sleeping bag and refused to answer.

Seeing a black lab moving towards the stairs, investigators gave up on the little lab and followed.

The black lab claimed she hadn’t heard or seen anything. She said she had been in the backyard with a golden retriever and another female fox red lab, chasing squirrels.

Noticing a white coloured lab lying in the doorway of the bathroom, watching, investigators decided to see what she could tell them.

Unlike the little fox red lab who refused to answer and the black lab who claimed to have been outside, the white lab seemed to know exactly what had occurred
and was dying to share her story.

According to her, a big male fox red lab snuck up behind Ms. Pinky and snatched her off the ground. He then proceeded to take her into the kitchen, where the white lab says she saw him lie down and begin stripping off Ms. Pinky’s pink and yellow flesh. Horrified by what she had witnessed, the white lab says she quickly turned away and hid in the closet until she heard police arrive.

Feeling as though they had obtained enough evidence to arrest and charge their suspect, investigators searched the house.

they found Ms. pinky’s killer sprawled on the bed in the master bedroom snoring loudly. Afraid they might spook their suspect, investigators called for a leash before taking him into custody.

Ms. Pinky will be laid to rest in the waste section of the family garbage container on Saturday, April 5th, at 11:00am.

The family dogs are accepting donations to be put into the Buy a Dog A Toy Fund.

Case of the Screaming Rabbit

My labs are SO bad!!

Last night, around midnight, I let the dogs out for their final relief. I asked everyone to sit, stuck my head out the sliding door to make sure there were no skunks, and then released everyone to go outside.

Rogue barked once. I told her to be quiet. she barked once more. I told her that was enough.

And then the screaming started.

It wasn’t the dogs. It wasn’t a person. It was like a high pitched screeching.

I immediately opened the sliding door and said “LEAVE IT!”

Huib ran over to the door and went toward the girls. As he left, he told me Canyon was hiding behind me – he’s too cute!

He said that once he was close, he saw a rabbit quickly hop away.

I guess Rogue had seen the rabbit and ran over. When she barked, she must have scared it so it froze in place. that gave Cessna enough time to join rogue and together they pinned the poor thing, probably scaring it, so it screamed. thankfully the rabbit didn’t injure the labs and they didn’t seem to injure it. when Huib got the girls back inside, he checked them over for injuries and then took a flashlight outside to see if he saw any blood. all he found was some fur, so hopefully the rabbit lived and didn’t end up having a heart attack somewhere.

Rogue is from a hunting line and I’m pretty sure Cessna is as well, so I can’t really blame the girls for their reaction, but I definitely feel bad for the rabbit. If Huib hadn’t run over, I’m not sure it would have survived, and I guess the girls would have had breakfast.

Caught Red Handed

On thursday, January 30th, at approximately 11:29am, a 64 year old man contacted investigators regarding a possible homicide.

When questioned, he said: “I came downstairs to make a tea and when I looked into the living room, I saw white fluff scattered throughout. Even though I did not see a body, I knew instantly that a crime had been committed and called authorities”.

When asked if he noticed anyone in the area, he stated that he had seen three suspicious characters napping on the couches.

Once investigators felt as though they had obtained all of the facts, they began examining the crime scene. Just inside the living room they observed various piles of white fluff, and upon further investigation they discovered parts of a plastic squeaker.

while they were searching for clues, a young male golden retriever came over to see why they were touching his toys. When questioned about the fluff, he claimed to have no knowledge of the situation and said that he had been grabbing some water when he heard the older man gasp.

when asked if he had any idea who could have committed such a horrible crime, he told investigators to talk to his fox red roommate.

while searching for this fox red roommate investigators came across an older female black lab lounging on one of the living room couches. When asked if she had seen anything, she remained tight lipped and refused to cooperate. Not having cause to arrest her, investigators moved on, but kept her at the top of their suspect list.

Once they had collected all available evidence at the primary scene, investigators began searching for clues in other areas of the home. In the kitchen they met a female calico who claimed to have seen the tip of a caramel coloured tail leaving the scene when she was coming down the stairs. she said that she couldn’t identify the breed of the suspect, but she is certain that she saw a tail and that it was caramel in colour.

Moving upstairs, investigators began searching the bedrooms for clues. When they came across the master bedroom, they found a young fox red lab lounging in the middle of a queen sized bed with the mutilated body of a small stuffed anteater between her paws.

Investigators slowly approached the suspect and calmly stood in front of her, blocking access to the only escape route in the room. When asked about the victim, the young fox red lab claimed to know nothing about the situation, saying that she came across the body of Mr. Anteater downstairs and was upset, so brought his body upstairs for safekeeping.

Unmoved by her statement, investigators took her into custody and closed the case.

Mr. Anteater was laid to rest in the waste section of the family garbage bin.

When tug Of War Goes Too Far

At approximately 7:50pm on Monday, April 8th, 2013, a 65 year old man came upon the mutilated body of one, Mr. Big Buddy, in the middle of the kitchen. After checking to make sure the unknown suspect was gone, he called authorities.

when questioned by the lead investigator, he said: “I had been playing Spacecraft on my computer and had come into the kitchen to make a tea, when I discovered Mr. big buddy lying face-down near the table. I went over to see if I could help him, but was horrified to discover a gigantic hole in the side of his face, as well as, multiple wounds that appeared to be bite marks”.

When asked if he had noticed anything nearby, he said: “I saw several clumps of white fluff spread throughout the kitchen, living room, and leading into the master bedroom”.

when asked if he had seen anybody in the area, he said: “I’m not completely sure, but I think I remember seeing a medium coloured male golden retriever and young female red lab running into the master bedroom”.

Investigators canvassed the area, and were able to locate the two potential suspects.

when questioned by investigators, the male retriever refused to make a statement, but glared accusingly in the direction of the young female lab, who lied down and pretended to nap.

the investigation into the brutal murder of Mr. big buddy will continue, but for now, his body has been placed into the trash can for proper disposal.

R.I.P. Ms. Gingy

At approximately 2:43pm on Friday, March 1st, 2013, the mutilated body of Ms. Gingy, was found by a man in his early thirties under a bed.

When questioned by investigators, the man said: “I had the day off, so decided to do a bit of cleaning. while sweeping the master bedroom, I swept up the lifeless, mutilated body of Ms. Gingy”.

When asked if he saw anything out of place or noticed any witnesses, he offered the following pictures:

A small brown female gingerbread lays on the floor. she has a laceration to her front. Her pink scarf is tied tightly around the upper portion of her neck.

Exhibit A

The small gingerbread lady is lying on her stomach and there is a large hole in her back.

Exhibit B

A close-up of the small gingerbread lady's lower half. You can see a hole where her bum would be.

Exhibit C

Investigators will continue their search for clues, but feel as though they have identified their suspect.

Canyon lies with the little gingerbread lady between his paws.

He Says He’s Innocent…

The Mystery Thickens…

At approximately 2:00pm on Wednesday, February 27th, 2013, a severed leg was discovered by a 22 month old red Labrador Retriever. Shocked by the gruesome discovery, she immediately brought the tiny leg to her human.

When asked where she had made the discovery, the young lab pointed in the direction of the bedroom, but couldn’t manage anything further.

When investigators arrived at the scene, nothing seemed out of place. Each stuffed animal appeared to have all of its limbs and no other evidence could be obtained.

When the other residents of the home were questioned, no one was able to provide any further information.

the evidence has been placed into the sewing box.

**********

At approximately 6:04am on Thursday, February 28th, 2013, a woman in her early thirties stepped on a pile of soft material. Not being able to fully identify the discovery, she called her husband over for assistance.

When questioned by investigators, the husband described the scene: “My wife and I had just woken up. I was heading into the kitchen, when my wife called me back to see what she had stepped on. When I arrived by her side, I saw a pile of white stuffing, but could not see anything or anyone nearby.”

After questioning the other residents of the home, investigators combed through the mound of toys owned by the canine occupants, but were unable to find the owner of the stuffing.

Puzzled, investigators placed the evidence into the sewing box.

Investigators hope the public will be able to shed some light upon these two cases of senseless brutality.

The Case Of The Decapitated Valentines Teddy

On Tuesday, February 19th, 2012, at approximately 10:30am, a 64 year old man came upon a decapitated pink teddy bear.

When asked to describe the scene, he said: “I came out of my bedroom and as I went to walk through the living room, I saw the headless body of a plush, pink teddy bear lying in front of the television stand. nearby, I saw white fluff, but did not notice the head of the Valentines teddy”.

When asked if there were any witnesses to his discovery, he said: “I saw a young woman sitting on the couch surrounded by her four guilty looking retrievers.”

When questioned, the woman declined to point any fingers.

When the other four witnesses were asked what they had seen, each of the retrievers looked at the calico cat sitting on the television stand.

Conclusion:
A pink Valentines teddy bear was found decapitated and gutted in front of the television stand, and according to the retrievers…the cat did it.