Caught Red Handed

On thursday, January 30th, at approximately 11:29am, a 64 year old man contacted investigators regarding a possible homicide.

When questioned, he said: “I came downstairs to make a tea and when I looked into the living room, I saw white fluff scattered throughout. Even though I did not see a body, I knew instantly that a crime had been committed and called authorities”.

When asked if he noticed anyone in the area, he stated that he had seen three suspicious characters napping on the couches.

Once investigators felt as though they had obtained all of the facts, they began examining the crime scene. Just inside the living room they observed various piles of white fluff, and upon further investigation they discovered parts of a plastic squeaker.

while they were searching for clues, a young male golden retriever came over to see why they were touching his toys. When questioned about the fluff, he claimed to have no knowledge of the situation and said that he had been grabbing some water when he heard the older man gasp.

when asked if he had any idea who could have committed such a horrible crime, he told investigators to talk to his fox red roommate.

while searching for this fox red roommate investigators came across an older female black lab lounging on one of the living room couches. When asked if she had seen anything, she remained tight lipped and refused to cooperate. Not having cause to arrest her, investigators moved on, but kept her at the top of their suspect list.

Once they had collected all available evidence at the primary scene, investigators began searching for clues in other areas of the home. In the kitchen they met a female calico who claimed to have seen the tip of a caramel coloured tail leaving the scene when she was coming down the stairs. she said that she couldn’t identify the breed of the suspect, but she is certain that she saw a tail and that it was caramel in colour.

Moving upstairs, investigators began searching the bedrooms for clues. When they came across the master bedroom, they found a young fox red lab lounging in the middle of a queen sized bed with the mutilated body of a small stuffed anteater between her paws.

Investigators slowly approached the suspect and calmly stood in front of her, blocking access to the only escape route in the room. When asked about the victim, the young fox red lab claimed to know nothing about the situation, saying that she came across the body of Mr. Anteater downstairs and was upset, so brought his body upstairs for safekeeping.

Unmoved by her statement, investigators took her into custody and closed the case.

Mr. Anteater was laid to rest in the waste section of the family garbage bin.

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